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numinousdreadWoke up and said my little secular prayer (kinda similar in form to scouting organizations' oaths; not sharing actual content because it feels excessively intimate), as well as two things I'm grateful for.
I've decided I want to do that in the morning instead of immediately making coffee and looking at my phone, which feels like letting my attention get yanked away from my intentions, values, and goals. I'm not sure if thinking about how I value spending my time will actually do anything for me practically, but it currently feels nicely identity-solidifying.
I've gotten back into meditating as well, not on any regular schedule but when I notice I'm kinda listless and have free time, mostly broadening my awareness or loving-kindness-inspired meditation. In the short term, I'm shocked it's possible to feel that good with so little effort, and that I've spent so long doing stuff far less pleasant, lush and "alive"-feeling. So, at worst, I'm sitting around feeling good and there won't be any other effects on my mood or emotions. But... I have been feeling more able to be ~in my body by default and I feel some mental clarity, so maybe that's an effect of meditation.
I had an episode recently while meditating where my brain synthesized a bunch of recently encountered stuff and a loosely held belief viscerally "clicked" for me and I became inspired to actually try vegetarianism. Will that take?
I also had an episode of feeling genuinely moved that humans evolved and were able to learn about evolution. It was like I was taking these facts for granted, because I grew up with access to info about evolution, and actually noticing their unlikelihood, how difficult an achievement it was, gave me a lot of awe. And I value experiencing awe a lot-- unfortunately I got pretty into weed for a while for that reason-- but there aren't a lot of situations where I feel it. There's this whole part of my personality that feels hard to express, inward-focused, and embarrassingly hippieish, but that I do want to feed in benign ways, I guess.
I guess because I'm a secular atheist, and I wanna remain so, I have to build my own opportunities to feel awe (and also to affirm my idiosyncratic personal value system).
So I'd like to continue with my silly little prayer and with meditating in whatever ways feel interesting.
I've decided I want to do that in the morning instead of immediately making coffee and looking at my phone, which feels like letting my attention get yanked away from my intentions, values, and goals. I'm not sure if thinking about how I value spending my time will actually do anything for me practically, but it currently feels nicely identity-solidifying.
I've gotten back into meditating as well, not on any regular schedule but when I notice I'm kinda listless and have free time, mostly broadening my awareness or loving-kindness-inspired meditation. In the short term, I'm shocked it's possible to feel that good with so little effort, and that I've spent so long doing stuff far less pleasant, lush and "alive"-feeling. So, at worst, I'm sitting around feeling good and there won't be any other effects on my mood or emotions. But... I have been feeling more able to be ~in my body by default and I feel some mental clarity, so maybe that's an effect of meditation.
I had an episode recently while meditating where my brain synthesized a bunch of recently encountered stuff and a loosely held belief viscerally "clicked" for me and I became inspired to actually try vegetarianism. Will that take?
I also had an episode of feeling genuinely moved that humans evolved and were able to learn about evolution. It was like I was taking these facts for granted, because I grew up with access to info about evolution, and actually noticing their unlikelihood, how difficult an achievement it was, gave me a lot of awe. And I value experiencing awe a lot-- unfortunately I got pretty into weed for a while for that reason-- but there aren't a lot of situations where I feel it. There's this whole part of my personality that feels hard to express, inward-focused, and embarrassingly hippieish, but that I do want to feed in benign ways, I guess.
I guess because I'm a secular atheist, and I wanna remain so, I have to build my own opportunities to feel awe (and also to affirm my idiosyncratic personal value system).
So I'd like to continue with my silly little prayer and with meditating in whatever ways feel interesting.
